Having an Aggressive child on your hands? Aggression in children over the age of three, could be a result of delayed emotional development. In this case children continue to behave like toddlers because they have become accustomed to parent coddling and over-involvement that seems to emphasize child self-esteem over child self-control, that’s what happens when you over spoil your children.

The American Academy of Pediatrics would recommend these simple steps:

1- Talk with your child: Try to understand the feeling behind the aggressive behavior.

2- Notice and Encourage the behavior you would like to see as soon as you see it: For example, if your child becomes frustrated but does not swear or kick something, provide specific, immediate feedback that lets your child know exactly what she/he did right and how you feel about her/his choice not to act out aggressively.

3- Model Appropriate Behavior: Be an example by showing your children that it is normal to feel angry. Let them see you being calm in the face of anger.

4- Limit Television Time and Computer Use.

Now if none of these techniques work there is another way to approach an aggressive behavior. Parenting expert, John Rosemond, who advocates a three step approach for dealing with aggressive children. The SIR or Separate, Isolate, Relocate approach, which looks like this: Parent or teacher observes child behaving aggressively, i.e. kicking, shoving, hitting…you get the idea. Parent or teacher Separates or removes the child from the setting or group immediately; no excuses, no giving in to requests for another chance. The child is then Isolated from the group and anything she or he finds entertaining or enjoyable. If the episode happens at school the teacher should call the parent who is prepared to pick the child up and Relocate him or her to the home where the isolation continues.

It is very important to keep the following points in mind for this approach to work:

- Parent and teacher must talk about and agree upon this approach in advance. The approach will not be successful unless the child is universally sanctioned. if the parent does not pick the child up or does pick the child up without comment or consequence for the aggressive behavior, the point will be lost. And if the teacher gives in to whining and begging for another chance or fails to call the parent the child has no real motivation to improve his or her behavior.

- Parents must be willing to strip the child’s room of all things pleasant and enjoyable. The point is not for the child to go to his/her wonderland of a room but to experience an interruption of enjoyment that allows the child to understand the connection between privileges and behavior.

Of course, all parents are not available to pick children up in the middle of the day. If this approach appeals to you, modify it so that it works with your needs.

Whether you choose The American Academy of Pediatrics approach, John Rosemond’s, or some combination between both, the key is to be clear and consistent. Be sure that your child understands what kind of behavior you expect from him or her and what he or she can consistently look forward to if those expectations are not met.